The Grinch
Let’s face it, every holiday imaginable sucks. People get ridiculous, all jolly and gushy, over stupid days that don’t even mean anything. However, there is one in particular that stands out as the absolute worst. It happens every December, when the world becomes a chaotic circus. There are blinding lights everywhere, people singing so outrageously out of tune that it deafens ears from a mile away, and chaos follows everyone as if it were a disease. Yet somehow, with all of this nonsense, I’m the only one who notices just how horrible this one day truly is. Now, you may be wondering, who am I to be so judgmental of supposedly the best day ever, known as “Christmas”? Well, my friends, I’m the one who tries to save it every year. Though my actions are misjudged, my intentions are genuine. I don’t just steal fun presents; I’m trying to make the world a better place by leaving Christmas behind. If you didn’t catch on already, I’m the one and only, Mr. Grinch. To hopefully prove my point a little better from my perspective, I believe Christmas is overrated, disruptive, and exhausting.
First of all, and most irritatingly of all, the noise is just unbearable. Even before December rolls around, cars go by blasting horrible Christmas songs (which all sound the same, by the way). And if it’s not the towns being infiltrated by radio stations, it’s choirs filled with people who shouldn’t even be allowed to so much as hum in the shower. Their sound waves travel through the Earth like a stabbing needle. The so-called “holiday cheer” is a mix of carols blasting, bells clanging, and children shouting about gifts like spoiled rats who think Santa’s elves run on Celsius 24/7 (Trust me, I’ve met some of those elves, and calling them unhappy is an understatement). As someone who deeply cherishes the peace in my humble abode up in the mountains, Christmas is the epitome of everything wrong in this world. But hey, at least I’m not the one singing off-key.
Photo courtesy of Britannica
Christmas is useless in a larger sense, too. People clear the shelves clean of anything red, green, or white during December, for it to be worthless in less than 15 days. Making your house as decorative as possible has become a race that ultimately has no winner, because the winner is just the loser who spent the most money. Everyone acts like Christmas lives inside new shopping bags. Don’t even get me started on all the wrapping paper. If all that disgustingly decorative packaging was put in one pile, it would be as tall as Burj Khalifa stacked on itself twice, and I’m not exaggerating. Each year, kids get more and more ungrateful, so their lists just get longer and longer, and the competition about who gets the best presents suddenly becomes more competitive than the Olympics. But to be truthful, the issue was never the presents; it was always the obsession. When a holiday becomes a spending competition, moms will go to their graves to win and prove their dominance, and suddenly, everyone forgets about the celebration.
Essentially, Christmas sucks. No, it’s not because I’m cranky. No, my green isn’t infiltrating into my blood. And no, I don’t break out in hives because I’m supposedly allergic to joy. I am the only person who can recognize how the people who celebrate have lost their sense of sanity. It’s a huge mess, it’s noisy, messy, exhausting, and arguably plain fake. If everyone came to appreciate peace a little more, people could focus on the actual meaning of Christmas. Who knows, maybe Christmas might be worth celebrating. But until then, I’ll remain the only sensible one.
