Shawn Wang ’23 | Ishan Bhattacharyya ’23
Shawn:
I have a confession: I am a line-cutter. The last thing I expected to do my senior year was start a life of crime, yet here I am. I am a criminal— a fugitive—and this is my confession in hopes of clearing my conscience and stopping other perpetrators from delaying your lunch.
You see, in order to catch a criminal, you have to think like one. Let me walk you through what a typical operation looks like for a (former) mastermind like myself. It’s the normal lunch rush at the Cafeteria. Tables are filled up, students pile in for some SAGE-quality chicken and rice, and it’s business as usual. I walk in and see hordes of underclassmen crowding together to form some geometrically-disappointing resemblance of a line.
Internally, I think, “What fools!” I analyze the crowd to find someone who I have some sort of a relationship with and proceed to greet that person in all sorts of different ways until all ten of my friends can sneak into the line with me. After all, there really is no such thing as a free lunch. “You can’t just cut!” A lone voice shouts from the back (most likely from a wimpy freshman).
“Actually, I’m with Mrs. Jones.” This timeless excuse is a classic that works wonders. (Mrs. Jones is a self-professed serial line-cutter.)
Sometimes, the victims try to handle this delicate situation the way most cowards would. They inch closer and closer to the person in front of them, straddling their feet so that I can’t squeeze my way in. However, my experience from playing basketball for the Hungry Hippos (@hungry.hippos2023) has taught me how to box out to hold the inside position. And, just like that, my boys and I are able to eat our chicken first.
I am writing this piece so that you are informed of the signs and may never be cheated again out of your spot again. Recognize the patterns, and act early. After all, this whole situation doesn’t seem right. Someone walks up to the front of the line. Casually talks to someone, starts laughing. And then he or she gets in line? What are we living in The Purge? Is this the Wild West?
As a line-cutter, I am quite ashamed of my behavior. Line etiquette is one of the very first things we learn as lower schoolers. We are taught to stand patiently behind the person in front of us, no matter how long it takes. Yet so many students seem to have forgotten how to wait their turn. C’mon, Episcopal Academy. Let’s wait.
Photo Courtesy of Mahliat Tamrat ’23
Ishan:
A few days ago, I took quite a challenging biology test. I didn’t study enough and paid the price: I went in knowing that mitochondria is mighty, photosynthesis is a type of picture, and natural selection is what tests do to turnips. Wallowing in shame, all I wanted to do was talk to my friends over a nice, warm, comforting meal. I remember standing in line like a good citizen, awaiting a hearty helping of the famous chicken and rice. But as I looked away longingly towards the dessert section for a second, disaster struck: Shawn Wang ‘23 cut in front of me at the line.
I was dumbfounded. Surely he was just grabbing a fork, right? No. Definitely not the case. He started to chat up a girl who allowed him to make this bold display of wanton ignorance. He was smiling and laughing without a care in the world, ignoring my look of horror and disgust. How could someone be so rude, so careless? I tapped Shawn on the shoulder and asked, “Are you in line?”
“Yes. We’re together,” he replied and shot a look of contempt at me. My rage boiled over. Alas, I felt powerless and let him go. Judging from his minuscule frame, however, I definitely could have knocked the goofy out of him.
I left this crime scene as a victim. However, despite all my woes, I want to share with others how to fight back against “line cutting.” First things first, don’t cut in line. The line would be much smoother if people didn’t cut. Second of all, don’t enable it. Let your friends wait: you have plenty of time to talk to them. Third of all, call out others who cut you in line, and let mob rule work its magic.
We, at the Episcopal Academy, are not meant to cut in line. We have the Stripes which are draped, painted, ingrained into everything, everywhere around us. Tell me, does it show Respect to cut in line? How about Courtesy, Generosity, Self-Control, or Honesty? And, if you can’t sacrifice a little bit of your time for the common good, is it really Courageous? Everyone knows these things, but I have to say, the smiles on the faces of cutters really irk me. The absolute perceived impunity of these criminals makes me lose faith in EA as an institution. Where is the honor? People calling out the line cutters are made fun of when they should be lauded. There’s some line cutter laughing at this article right now, getting ready to make their evil move again. But consider this: at EA, we live in enough of a bubble, and our rivals already think of us as snobby and entitled. Do we really want our peers to think the same? Here’s what the fake friend/spot holder of Shawn Wang had to say about this. “I don’t even know this kid. He does this everyday just so he can cut in line. He’s not fooling anyone.” Do better, people. Don’t be a Shawn Wang.