Hopton
1. Coke
Seen as America’s soda, Coca Cola is enjoyed all over the world for its unique taste and acid-fueled destruction of most stomachs. I have this at number one because I can’t imagine an American pizza party without Coke.
2. Pepsi
Coke’s little brother that has an inferiority complex. It’s not that Pepsi’s bad. Theres just something about it that doesn’t quite make it….. well, Coke.
3. Dr. Pepper
Again this is a soda that does something unique from other sodas and deserves a spot on my list. Its flavoring is just unique enough from Coke’s to make people acknowledge it, but it doesn’t do anything too crazy that only certain people would like.
4. Root Beer
If Root beer were a cop it would do everything by the book. It’s the traditional drink of many American decades, and there are various renditions of it today. Like wine, it can be both great and terrible, and although some like it too much, it has its place as a quality soda.
5. Dr. Pepper Cherry Vanilla
Dr. Pepper already has 23 original flavors, so when you stuff 2 more in, things start to get wild.
6. Grape Soda
This soda packs the fruity punch of grape with excited blast of grape.
7. Mountain Dew Baja Blast
All Mountain Dews are overly sugary, packed with sketchy ingredients, and make people less healthy over time. But if you’re going to have a Mountain Dew why not overdue it completely and have Baja Blast.
8. Mountain Dew White Out
Sometimes regular Mountain Dew just isn’t good enough. Many a man who has a taste for Mountain dew has sighted White Out as a good alternative. Thanks to its mildly clever name, and very suspicious white color, White Out dazzled people with its slightly irregular taste from regular Mountain Dew.
9. Mountain Dew Code Red
Jack Hemphill says that Mountain Dew Code Red once saved his life. He was playing Halo and he’d been at it too long so his brain started to malfunction. Thanks to the Code Red positioned nearby, he was able to regain consciousness long enough to finish two levels.
10. Mountain Dew Original Real Sugar
Mountain Dew Orignal Real Sugar was a classic choice for many who loved soda back in the day. You should buy it just because of the weird 70’s cowboy art that crests the bottle.
Hemphill
1. Coke
Cola is the essential soda. Throughout history, people have debated whether Coke or Pepsi is superior. This debate is foolish. Coke is clearly better, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a [redacted].
2. Root Beer
Root Beer has a long and storied history as an American beverage. Legend has it that George Washington drank a refreshing Root Beer while crossing the Delaware. In more recent history, due to diseases living in the water, the men and women of the first American space programs drank Root Beer in place of water.*
3. Mr Pibb
Known as “the Southern Dr. Pepper”, Mr. Pibb claims Dr. Pepper’s spot mainly based on it’s funny name. Mr. Pibb was first created in 1887 by Jeremiah Ezekiel Pibb, a gold prospector in California who was sick of drinking mud.*
4. Mexican Coke
We stole most of the Western United States from Mexico in the Mexican-American War and improved them drastically. In retaliation, Mexican government operatives stole the original Coke recipe in 1972 and improved it themselves with real sugar.*
5. Ginger Ale
Ginger Ale is well known in America as the drink of choice for old people and airline passengers. It’s light, fresh taste is a welcome change from the hypersweetened sodas of the day.
6. Dr. Pepper
Dr. Pepper lost several places due to the inclusion of Mr. Pibb, but it remains one of the best sodas on the American market. Boasting 23 flavors (of which 17 are some variant of sugar), this soda is cherished throughout America for being “not Coke and not Root Beer.”
7. Soda Water
While it may not taste like it, soda water, or ‘seltzer’, was the original soda. Back in the days of Prohibition, people would gather at local “soda fountains” to drink soda and chat with their neighbors. Unfortunately, the soda fountain industry collapsed in 1969 when the soda water plants of North Korea were destroyed by US forces, crippling the soda fountain permanently.*
8. Black Cherry/Grape/Orange Soda
The Big 3 are the only fruit-based sodas on this list. The fruit-based sodas have been around since the time of the ancient Egyptians; Orange soda residue has been found in the stomachs of several Egyptian Pharoahs.*
9. Sprite
If soda water is basically water, Sprite is basically liquid sugar. A favorite drink of young children, people generally like it less as they grow older.
10. Mountain Dew
Mountain Dew is unique in its high caffeine content and distinct taste of rat urine. Mountain Dew is responsible for more heart attacks per capita than fries, hamburgers, and all other sodas combined. Mountain Dew’s secret ingredient, like Coke’s, is a carefully guarded secret. But it’s probably rat urine.*
* Editor’s note: Do not trust Jack Hemphill. e-Scholium is in no way accountable for his claims made in this blog.